The NEXT BIG THING with Keith D. Terry

America’s Breaking Point: Khalid Scott on Trauma, Burnout, and the Mental Health Emergency No One Talks About

• Keith D. Terry • Season 1 • Episode 47

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America is reaching an emotional breaking point. Quiet suffering, relentless stress, hidden trauma, and burnout are reshaping families, workplaces, and communities across the nation.

In this urgent and deeply human episode of The NEXT BIG THING with Keith D. Terry, nationally respected clinician Khalid B. Scott, LCSW joins Keith for a raw conversation about the mental health emergency most people are living through but rarely talk about.

Together, they unpack:

 • The real emotional state of America
 • Why trauma, silence, and burnout are accelerating in every demographic
 • How high achievers, leaders, and caregivers can protect their mental and emotional health
 • The impact of unresolved trauma on families, relationships, and identity
 • Practical tools for resilience, self-awareness, and inner recovery

This is not therapy. This is truth, clarity, and a roadmap for emotional strength in a time of national pressure.

If you believe in living with purpose, power, and peace of mind, this conversation is for you.

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Keith D. Terry:

Welcome to the podcast, The Next Big Thing. I'm your host, Keith D.Terry, a consultant, a coach, and a serial entrepreneur. The mission here is to teach, inspire, and to motivate. Today's conversation demands our attention. We're going to be talking about mental health. Many of us carry weight we do not speak about. Quiet suffering, hidden trauma, burnout, the rising in every community, every family, every workplace. The headlines tell one story, but behind the real but behind the headlines are real lives, real pain, and real consequences. And today we're going to be confronting that head on. Before I begin this conversation with my guest, who I'm excited to talk to, I want to make one thing clear. This conversation is not a therapy session. It's not a clinical session. We are here to understand the emotional challenges affecting individuals, families, and leaders today, and explore how we can build strength and resilience and help me to understand this. This conversation is about humanity. My guest today is Mr. Khalid B. Scott. He's an LCSW. Khalid, welcome. But before I you hear from him, I want to just give you his background. He is a respected clinician, trainer, and a mental health leader with more than 30 years of experience in trauma, addiction, and emotional wellness. He currently serves with the Department of Veteran Affairs and also leads a private practice supporting individuals, families, and couples. Khalid is a proud father, educator, and a decorated U.S. Army and National Guards veteran. Khalid, welcome to the show. How are you?

Khalid B. Scott:

All right. I'm Terry. Thank you for having me again.

Keith D. Terry:

Okay. Great. So, Khalid, I I gave the audience a high-level overview of your background. I want them to hear the human side. So my question to you is when you think about, when I think about the work you do and who you are, or let me say it this way: when you think about the work you do and who you are at your core, what drives you to serve the people the way you do?

Khalid B. Scott:

Right. So my background, my mom was a teen mom, right? Okay. And I grew up on the southeast side of Chicago. In fact, my community was called Terra Town, right? And um I was fatherless, right? And a lot of children in my community were fatherless. And I just remember one of the things that my mom, my grandmother, my aunties, all the women in my village kept saying to me, and I was the first grandchild, right? The eldest. They kept saying, you have to be responsible. You have to be responsible.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Khalid B. Scott:

You know, take care of what you're supposed to take care of. And that stuck with me as a young man. And I guess I took it to the next level because not only I'm going to be responsible for mine, I'm going to be responsible for the entire community. Wow. So when I got out of the army, I was 20 years old. I went to Morehouse my first semester, left there to go to the Persian Gulf War, came home and finished up college at Chicago State University. And there, when I first started college, I was a computer science major. Were you? One day, I um I took a class called Psychology of Urban Youth by a wonderful attorney slash professor, Dr. Pamela Heelville. And she sent us to the juvenile detention center for a day of observation. By the time I left that institution, that court building at the evening, I saw a Cook County Sheriff taking 10 African-American boys upstairs to what we used to call the Audi home or the juvenile detention center. Okay. It was right then and there, Keith, I decided I'm gonna help those babies. Okay. And it's a part of me, it's my calling, to be honest. God purposely put me in that psychology class, and he let me see, had that vision of those boys going upstairs to jail as boys, right? Could have been me, could have been you, um, Keith. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've just dedicated my life to serving the community. And as of last weekend, I won my 30th social work award, right? Wow, okay.

Keith D. Terry:

Well, well, you know, that fits you because you're you, you, you, you know, you, you, you, you bring it every time. And and, you know, as we have I'm glad people can hear that because your calling, God gave you your calling and you discovered it early on. Absolutely. So, and so, you know, in my opening, I was talking about the quiet storm. You know, are you how how are you looking at what's going on right now? Because, you know, let me just introduce you. You and I met three years ago? Yes. About three years ago, we were talking about the impact of COVID and the psychological trauma of COVID. And so now, you know, what are you seeing now?

Khalid B. Scott:

Well, that's an eloquent um title, A Quiet Storm, but it's not so quiet. Okay. Keith, um, you know, just what, two days ago, another African-American male committed suicide, a football player, right? Three weeks ago, my daughter called me. One of her friends, a black male who she graduated with, I took a picture of them at her graduation at Amherst last year. She said, Daddy, he jumped in front of a train in New York. 23 years old. Keep thinking about what we were doing when we were 23. We're living a life, right?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Khalid B. Scott:

I don't, at least I don't think you were. I know I wasn't thinking about suicide at 23 years old. I was enjoying being a young adult, you know. Absolutely. My first car, my first apartment, you know. You know, life as a frat guy, you know. Suicide was not nowhere in the vicinity. But to be honest, if you ask a bunch of young people today, it's one of the top things they think about.

Keith D. Terry:

So, what do you think is driving the surge? What do you think is or the symptoms?

Khalid B. Scott:

Right. It's that the whenever when people ask me that question, I get asked the question a lot, Keith. I said, E all the above. Life is hitting people real hard now. You know, for us older, you know, people, we have a um a resiliency about us because we've been through some stuff, right? We were raised to be survivors. Well, and September 20th, 1984, a television show came on TV. What show was that, Keith? You know. Let me say the date again. September 20th, 1984. A show came on TV that changed the lives of black people. Was it the Cosby show or something like that? Absolutely.

unknown:

Okay.

Khalid B. Scott:

Okay. Let us good times kids know that we could be the Cosby kids.

Keith D. Terry:

Yes. Good. Okay, I see your point.

Khalid B. Scott:

We could go to college, marry uh a beautiful spouse who's a professional as well.

Keith D. Terry:

Right.

Khalid B. Scott:

Have wonderful kids.

Keith D. Terry:

Have a doctor and a and a lawyer as parents, right?

Khalid B. Scott:

Absolutely. And that's this was viable. It was real. You know what I'm saying? And I know I I wanted to be B.O. Huxtable. You know, and grew up to be Heat Clip Huxtable. And at that time, I, you know, I was fatherless. So James Evans Sr. from Good Times and Heat Clip Huxtable were my dad's. You know, they gave me a framework. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2:

Yes, sir.

Khalid B. Scott:

You know, one taught me to be firm but fair. The other one taught me to be an impactful listener.

unknown:

Okay.

Khalid B. Scott:

And be easy going and calm, you know, and get to the root of issues. So I ran with them. And that's how we raised our kids. Our kids are soft. Because they didn't have to go, they don't know what Fry Baloney said.

Keith D. Terry:

What do you think? So what do you think is, you know, you're in the room, and so what do you think is driving this softness?

Khalid B. Scott:

Because, just while I said, the Cosby show taught us that everything doesn't have to be a struggle. Gotcha. So our kids didn't struggle. My daughter got driven to school from five years old to 18 years old in a Cadillac. You know what I'm saying? We had to go to school on a bus. You know what I'm saying? So we thought we made it. We didn't have to teach them the nuances. But the nuances is what got us to be who we are.

Keith D. Terry:

And do you do you think that staying with the, I'm glad we're having this discovery, I call discovery, because I want people to see it from your perspective.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Keith D. Terry:

Do you think people understand what to do in the struggle?

Khalid B. Scott:

No. No. And that's why my business is booming now. Because people thought they had the answer. They thought they had the right interventions, and they were wrong. Sitting still in the pandemic for those three, four, five years, right? It taught us to be still, pay attention, listen, retrospect, review our lives. And we didn't like the picture we saw, Keith. Right? Yeah. We, you had, I had husbands calling me like, Khalid, I don't like my wife. I had wives calling me, Khalid, I don't like my husband. I had parents calling me like, oh my God, I can't stand that my kids are here with me all day in front of that laptop. Please send them back to the classroom or teachers. But we never got that before because we were always used to the hustle and the bustle. Get up, go to work, do your activities, come home and sleep. Well, this time we were sitting still and really evaluating our lives, and we don't like what we saw. So then that's when I decided to open up my private practice, and I've had a waiting list all four years.

Keith D. Terry:

Oh, wow. So where are you seeing the crisis happen the most?

Khalid B. Scott:

With families.

unknown:

Okay.

Khalid B. Scott:

With individuals in those families. So at first I used to get the calls from wives and girlfriends, Dr. Scott, my husband, my boyfriend, my son, my brother needs therapy. Well, fast forward, Keith, I'm getting men calling me directly saying, I need help because I'm broken. And no amount of buffalo wings, beer, and watching the football games is going to help me. Because that was our, that's that was our men's therapy. Right, right. That was our therapy. But it was doing us no good because we had sexual abuse, childhood sexual abuse in our um past. We had poor family dynamics, like me, didn't have a dad at all. You know, we had our moms who were being abused, and we watched it. You know what I'm saying? We had our communities struggling because they were improvers. We had poor school systems. So when you add all of that up, how could we not be broken key?

Keith D. Terry:

Boy, that's great. Yeah, yeah. So when you, so when you you, when someone says they're stressed, how do you distinguish stress from trauma, burnout, or something more serious sinister?

Khalid B. Scott:

Gotcha. So as a clinician, this is my Bible, the DSM 5. Gotcha. So if you come and telling me that you're having a mental health struggle, I go and look at the criteria. If you meet five out of the nine symptoms, then that's your diagnosis.

Keith D. Terry:

Gotcha. Gotcha.

Khalid B. Scott:

So how you know you have people saying, you know what, I got an uncle who's kind of special and I think he's bipolar. Well, your uncle needs to come and see me. I open this book. If he meets seven out of the nine criteria, your uncle has bipolar. But you just saying it out loud, know that your uncle does not have bipolar. Now, he might have some tendencies or some traits, but we got to do the diagnosis first.

Keith D. Terry:

And you know, I think that what you just showed, many people, some people know, but I think many more people need to remember there is guidelines for what you got what you do.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely.

Keith D. Terry:

So just a couple more questions before we shift focus here. Okay. What do you think is the most misunderstood truth about mental illness? So mental. Yeah, I'll say mental illness.

Khalid B. Scott:

You know what, Keith, we're really educated now because of this little device right here. We got a lot of education. So the assumptions and the stereotypes, they're long gone now. You know what I'm saying? People are really seeing the truth in mental illness. Again, you see a 24-year-old football player who's a millionaire. Yes. You know, who has a fiance who has all the resources, but he still takes a gun and shoots himself. But a year ago, he lost his mother. So, you know, and the signs and symptoms. I didn't know that. I didn't know that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Khalid B. Scott:

Signs and symptoms are there, but guess what? He's a football player. They're the strongest men in the world in our mindset, right? So we don't pay attention. Oh, he's gonna be okay. Oh, give him a drink. You know, we mask the issues. We mask the issues, right?

Keith D. Terry:

So for the for my listeners, just so they understand, when I ask this question about landscape, when you think about the mental health landscape out here, when we met three years ago versus now, has it changed a lot? It's progressive. Wow.

Khalid B. Scott:

It's progressive. Because what happens is that we are a society that runs on trauma. We are a society that operates on dysfunction. See, when things are normal, it feels weird to us. We're so hyped on drama and trauma that we have normalized it. We have normalized it. And that's a bad thing. That's not a good thing. We need to be able to be calm, cool, and collected. But we can't operate like that because every day, every day something's going on.

Keith D. Terry:

And then when you through through you throw in, I'm gonna add this additional component, there's craziness coming out of Washington. I mean, there's right out of my mind, right? And and you know, I I will tell you, I stopped watching the news because it's just it's like out of 10 stories, eight of them are negative. Uh, and I just don't want to hear that because it shapes my mindset, puts me in a different kind of kind of mood. So, so let's go a little deeper into the crisis from a human perspective and experience and identification perspective. How does trauma show up in men versus women?

Khalid B. Scott:

It depends on the person. So, see, we used to do broad stroke descriptions. No, it's very individualized.

Keith D. Terry:

Okay, okay.

Khalid B. Scott:

So the assumption is if a woman is depressed, if a woman has some issues, she's gonna be very verbal about it. She's gonna go to her village, right? She's gonna come and say, Hey, Dr. Scott, I need therapy. Yes. We're so used to men holding it in because the world told us, don't cry about it. Pull up your boots, strap them up, and deal with it. Now, don't, don't, doesn't the family still do the same thing to boys? No. No. Okay. No, not at all. And see, that's the assumption. So remember, I told you I got mamas, grandmamas, wives, cousins, whatever calling me. My 17-year-old is sitting in the room playing video games and it's dark in there. I need them to come to the light and get some therapy. Because we're saying that no more of this. We cannot be passive about this because why? Everybody knows somebody who's committed suicide now. Five years ago, I didn't know anyone until my 33-year-old Mitty committed suicide on his 33rd birthday. He was, now I'm a social worker. You would think I knew a ton of people who've committed suicide. No?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Khalid B. Scott:

I heard of stories, but this hit home for me. And since his death, I've been more black men I know have committed suicide.

unknown:

Yeah.

Keith D. Terry:

I know that pain myself. So what happens when the trauma goes untreated? Because I have my assumption that there are pockets of every community, particularly African-American community, that pushes off, you know, social workers, pushes off psychiatry, pushes off mental health. And so when trauma goes untreated, um, how how does it look? What happens?

Khalid B. Scott:

It's dangerous. It's dangerous. You know, think about when you've been outside, you sat on a bench or you've been on a bus, and someone who's having a mental health crisis gets on. It's really scary to see that person, isn't it? You'd be like, let me get off on the on the next stop. Because I don't know what that person is going to do, right? So again, if it's being unaddressed, that means it makes the society vulnerable. Right? So you got people going into schools and shooting up schools, going into shooting up churches, going into Walmart, and you're seeing people fighting in Walmart. You know what I'm saying? So it's being activated. And because of this device, we see it in real time now. So now we're on edge, right? We're on edge.

Keith D. Terry:

And do is, you know, I'm asking this question, does trauma, does it look different? Well, this is kind of a I'm answering my own question and I don't know. So does it, does the trauma look different in the urban areas versus the suburbs or from a minority perspective in black communities? How would you, how do you look at that?

Khalid B. Scott:

No, stop. Again, we have to stop trying to compartmentalize it. Trauma hits all of us in a negative way. It stuns your growth. It affects your psyche. You know what I'm saying? Think about how dark it feels now. Go back to when President Obama won. Remember that night and how wonderful you felt. You felt like you were in Grant Park. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2:

Right.

Khalid B. Scott:

It was like, oh my God, hope is here. Fast forward to when somebody else won presidency. How did you feel that night?

Keith D. Terry:

Man, I couldn't believe it. I was disappointed. Yeah.

Khalid B. Scott:

Absolutely. And then it's being reinforced every day as some drama and trauma going on from Washington, D.C. How can that not affect us? Are you not concerned that when you go outside, because now SNAP benefits are not in place, now everybody's going to be robbed. You know, I know people who work at Walmart and grocery stores. They're like they're on guard right now because they are just expecting that people are going to come steal.

Keith D. Terry:

Okay.

unknown:

Okay.

Khalid B. Scott:

So they're hiring security guards.

Keith D. Terry:

Yeah, it makes sense. Right, right.

Khalid B. Scott:

So then you're doing this during the holiday season, which is already a traumatic season for people already. You know, more a lot of suicides take place around the holiday season.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Khalid B. Scott:

Because people are like, man, this is not going to be a great Christmas or a good Thanksgiving because my loved one is not here, because I'm broke, you know, or I haven't worked all year.

Keith D. Terry:

So are you suggesting, are you suggesting that the pressures that cause this, is it internal to the family or is it coming from the outside?

Khalid B. Scott:

Both.

Keith D. Terry:

Okay. It's both. Is there one from your perspective more weightier than the other?

Khalid B. Scott:

It just depends on the individual. See, see, Keith, what affects me may not affect you. You see what I'm saying?

Speaker 2:

That's true.

Khalid B. Scott:

And it's it's how you're raised. It's what you're what you've observed, is what you've experienced, right? So, and and and that when I hear my like, let me give you for instance. When I hear one of my buddies say, Khalid, I'm cheating on my wife, the reason why it affects me, because my mom was a mistress. So I don't see the benefit of infidelity. I see.

Keith D. Terry:

I see.

Khalid B. Scott:

Other men be like, yeah, yeah, rah, rah, rah, do it, brother, do it. Yeah. But see, my negative impact with it may look different than yours. I see. I see your point. How you take it in.

Keith D. Terry:

Well said, very well said. So then how can families become a safer place for individuals?

Khalid B. Scott:

That we start being truthful. We start being transparent. We start opening our mouths and communicating. You know, every day, like my daughter is grown and in medical school now and has her own apartment. I talk to my child every day. But guess what? People be like, Kaleya, you got to talk to Anaya every day. Why not? Why shouldn't I talk to my child every day? Well, she's grown, Kalia. She got her own life. Right, but you mean to tell me me calling in at 10 o'clock at night, checking to see if my daughter is okay a bad thing?

Keith D. Terry:

Yeah, I see your point. I see your point. I see your point. I see. But you know, you you you mentioned the transparency. I I'm part of a of a, you know, uh of a prayer group, and my guys always thank me for being transparent. And maybe it's because I've been through some pain myself. Maybe I've been through counseling. But when I hear you say people should talk and be more transparent, is it because they're seeking a soft ear and a truthful conversation or a place that they can talk about their problems? Because now sometimes when you're talking, people aren't listening.

Khalid B. Scott:

Again, the answer is E, all the above. We all want to be validated. We all want to be heard. We all want to be understood that I'm not Superman, I'm not Wonder Woman. I want to take this cape off that somebody put on me or I put on myself because it's dirty. I need to put this cape in the cleaners and let it get clean. And in between time, I need to rest and regroup. Right? Wow. That's when they say, check on the strong people. Why? Because we're so used to carrying the weight of everything, but nobody checks on us.

Keith D. Terry:

So that gets me to this next question. Because you're absolutely right. People say check on the strong person, the successful person. What kind of internal battles do you think the strong person's dealing with? Because you know, just because you appear strong doesn't mean that you are.

Khalid B. Scott:

Absolutely. It's this thing called the imposter syndrome. Though the world may see that I have all of this, my thing is this might be just surface because the world says I have to be this person. But really, I'm not. Really, I want to be an introvert. I want to be quiet and calm. People are so used to this persona, this bigger than life thing. Now, for me, this is actually who Khalid is. I'm an extrovert, I'm boisterous, I'm gregarious, and I love that about me. I don't know what it means to be shy. It's weird to me. Shyness is weird. If you on earth one time, live and live big. But that's my thing, but that's what's kept me going. Because I had to, because I was an only child and I didn't have a dad, and I grew up in a poor community. So I wanted to know that I was bigger than life. But that's what I needed. Somebody else might say, no, laid back and calm keeps me right. So it's always individualized.

Keith D. Terry:

So when we talk about burnout, you know, I work a lot. A lot of people work a lot. You probably work a lot.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Keith D. Terry:

Burnout's everywhere. What does chronic burnout, you know, do to the brain and how does it show up? Can you talk a little bit about that? Sure.

Khalid B. Scott:

Well, burnout just doesn't happen overnight. That's number one. Okay. Gradual process. You start feeling it a long time ago, but you don't pay attention because what you've been able to do is bypass it because you got so much to do. So when somebody says self-care, self-care, you're like, yeah, you know what, I'm gonna go and get my nails done. You know, I'm gonna get a haircut. You know what I'm saying? That's surface self-care. The real self-care is turning these lights off and turning the TV off and putting this phone down and going to sleep. It's being invited to three parties in one day, and you say, No, I'm not going to none of the parties. I'm just gonna stay home and watch an old black and white monster movie, eat some Doritos, and just relax. It's saying that I've overdone it. I've added pressure to myself because the reality is everything can wait till tomorrow.

Keith D. Terry:

Now, are you seeing burnout more pervasive three years ago or now?

Khalid B. Scott:

Well, it wasn't pervasive then because we were shut down three years ago during the pandemic. That's why I said the pandemic was good for us. It may not appear, but it was good because it made us slow down. It made us slow down.

Speaker 2:

When the pandemic ended, let me finish, please.

Khalid B. Scott:

Okay, when the pandemic ended, we rail back up again. And how crazy has things been since.

Keith D. Terry:

Yes. It sounds to me like when we slowed down, we got to see ourselves differently. And it's it was another problem that came up. Well, let me just say it now. I lost my son in 21 through suicide. And through that pain, I've had to deal with my own self. So how do you deal with it? You talk to people all the time.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Keith D. Terry:

And you know, you're in these private conversations with people. So how do you deal with self-care?

Khalid B. Scott:

Self-care. Well, it's first and foremost, Keith, three years ago, I was 320 pounds coming out of that pandemic, and I'm a cancer. I'm emotional, and I'm an emotional eater. So when I'm something, I turn to the Doritos, the M's, the chicken, the pizza. And then when my jock, my frat brother, who's my doctor, said, Khalil, you're 320 pounds, brother. You're knocking on diabetes door. That same day, I went to the grocery store and bought $300 full of fruits and vegetables. Nine months later, I lost the weight. Because I don't want to be a contradiction. How can I tell you, my client, to go into self-care, but I'm not caring for my own self?

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Khalid B. Scott:

So I became my own walking billboard of self-care.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Khalid B. Scott:

Of self-care. Because who better, you know what I'm saying? To emphasize it than a person who God called to help other people.

Keith D. Terry:

I'm glad you I'm glad you talked about that. And I'm glad you paid attention. I remember seeing you when you were 325. Right. And then I think, and then uh, you know, you look up because people get busy. It was 10 months later. You posted something on Facebook, and you are literally half the man you were. I mean, you look phenomenal. So you look for the trauma. No. So as as we talk more about the workplace, home, do you see them as both places where people get trauma?

Khalid B. Scott:

Yes, depending on your situation, right? Let me let me share something with you. Right now, Keith, I know 39 couples, 39 couples who have divorced or are divorcing right now. Now that sounds horrible, doesn't it? It does. But when I talked to the 39 friends and I said, why? You're in your 50s, you're in your 60s, you've been married 25 plus years. Why? Khalid, I should have divorced 10 years ago. But I wanted the Cosby show life. I didn't want my kids growing up in a one parent home like I did, the Good Times house. So I sacrificed. But guess what happened then? What tragically happened, what the negativity that came from it. Your children watched you and your spouse fighting in that house. They felt the t go ahead. And then they grew up and Guess what? Now my friends are calling me saying their daughters are in domestic violence relationships. Their sons are turning to drugs and alcohol. Their kids are saying, Khalid, I need a counselor for my kid. I had to take my child to the psychiatric ward at the hospital because my kid had a nervous breakdown. So, see, we thought we were doing something good and staying together, but your kids got a first view of dysfunction.

Keith D. Terry:

Gotcha. They saw an example of chaos, internal chaos.

Khalid B. Scott:

Right. Now, let me use me as an example. I got divorced and yesterday would have been my 24th anniversary, right? Wow. But I got divorced 13 years ago when my baby was 10 years old. I immediately put me and Anaya in therapy, both individual and family therapy. Eight years later, my daughter graduated Salutatorian of Kenwood, number three out of 430 students, for a ride to Amherst in Massachusetts. And now she's her first year of medical school and University of Chicago for free. Because why? She didn't grow up seeing mommy and daddy doing this. So mommy and daddy come together as divorced parents, but wonderful co-parents.

Keith D. Terry:

Good for you to put your your 10-year-old or eight-year-old in therapy. Good for you. Good for you.

Khalid B. Scott:

But I'm a clinician. I know better. Everybody doesn't know this. So I do podcasts like what you invited me to do, so we can educate people on what to do better now.

Keith D. Terry:

Okay. And so staying there, because we're going to shift uh to kind of discovery. If you're a parent, um, you know, or let's talk to parents. If you're a parent and you're looking at your kids, what what are you looking for so that I can call someone like you?

Khalid B. Scott:

You know your children better than any human beings. Why? Because they came from you and you've been there every day. Like they know you. When something is off with you, your kids will pick up on it in a second. When it's off with them, you'll pick it up in a second. Now you can choose to ignore it, but you'll know something is there. The minute you see something off with your child, you have to address it. Why? Because it sets a better tone. It says, mommy and daddy are paying attention. Mommy and daddy care about me, and that there's no judgment, and that this is a safe space.

Keith D. Terry:

For those folks that are not familiar with talking to someone like you, a mentor, uh licensed clinical social worker, is it's a safe place. It's not like you're going and talking about what they're what you're talking about because it's classified. Am I correct?

Khalid B. Scott:

Absolutely. Absolutely. The reason why I check on my daughter, because I realize Anaya has put a pressure on herself. She's an academic genius. Yeah. And for what I've learned about kids who are academia, they always want to do better than the last time. Time. Well, when I heard the suicide rates for medical students, and here it is, my daughter is about to be a medical student. No, I'm not losing mine. I gotcha. I'm not losing mine. Tonight I'm picking her up, taking her out, because she had a big test yesterday. I'm picking her up, taking her out to dinner, and she's coming home to spend the night at daddy's house.

Keith D. Terry:

So she depressed. Gotcha. Gotcha. So staying with just one more question on discovery. You talked about what parents can do. What about the grown person who was raised in a family that, oh no, you don't want to go see a psychiatrist or a counselor? Let's talk a little bit about what they should be doing and looking for and how they would enter and talk to someone like you.

Khalid B. Scott:

Okay, so let's give an example. Keith, me, let's pretend me and you are best friends. And you know I'm a hyper person, good, you know, gregarious. But you've noticed when you talk to me on the phone, when we went out for pizza, that I haven't been myself. And then you said, Khalil, what's wrong, man? You, you, something different going on. Man, you know, it's been 13 years since I've been divorced. I'm kind of lonely now, man. Khalid, can you do me a big favor and do, let's, let's do this. Let me pull my cell phone out. I met this therapist, Khalil, and he talks about men issues. Khalid, can I send you, let me, I'm gonna text you Dr. Scott's information. Khalid, go and see a therapist. I'll be, I'm here. You could talk to me. But I know it might be some things you don't want to share with me. But brother, go and see a therapist. Because guess what, Khalid? I didn't tell you because I was acting weird. But Khalid, I've seen a therapist. And man, I love it. See, that's how you show care and concern. And it did not take away from our masculinity, did it? No. No. It doesn't know how much we love each other because I want you to win, brother.

Keith D. Terry:

Yeah. That was well done. Because, you know, you're absolutely right. A lot of men, you know, you have to show up macho. Don't take away my nutsack. Don't, you know, don't decapitate me from that perspective. And I I I'm old enough to know that there are a lot of men that don't have places where they can truly talk. You know, they feel like, you know, I can't talk to my woman about it. And then there's some men that that I was with a couple days ago to have that perspective. And so, you know, what are what's one thing that people can do to create emotional resilience for themselves? Be honest with themselves and prepare to do the work. Elaborate on the work part because I when I hear that, you know, I think people think it's not, you're not talking about jogging.

Khalid B. Scott:

No. That might be another prescription later on to do something extra. But the real work says, smug God, let me hold this mirror up and really look for the freckles, the, the, the, the bumps, the pimples, the blemishes. Because before I just said, no, my skin is beautiful. It's chocolate, it's clear. But no, I do see a pimple here. It's being honest for what is really there. That I sleep with a bunch of women because, man, I used to be called a nerd back in school and it traumatized me. So I got something to prove, but I hurt a bunch of women. It's, you know what, I joined a fraternity because I was alone. You know what I'm saying? But man, though, those guys ain't there for me. Maybe I need to build a different village. You know what I'm saying? Or, you know what? I've been working this job to pay the bills, but I'm not happy there. You know what? I can do college online and go into another career at 56 years old. That's gonna bring me joy. See, I answered my calling at 23. I love the work I do. So it don't feel like work.

Keith D. Terry:

So then how do, you know, how do we break generational? What do you suggest we do to break generational curses? And assumptions that, you know, when I say this and I ask this question, come from a family that believes in don't talk about it.

unknown:

Yeah.

Keith D. Terry:

Put it in the closet. Correct. And and what I what I recognize now is that, you know, we have to break those patterns so that people can talk about it. There is strength in telling your story because you get you'll be surprised that other people are going through the exact same thing, and they might be doing it differently, and it gives you some strength. So do you see it the same way, or how what what do you say? Because you see it every day.

Khalid B. Scott:

Right. Well, the thing is, naturally, we are breaking the curses. Keith, what me and you are doing right now, our dads wouldn't have done. Our grandfathers sure wouldn't done, and our great-granddads wouldn't even thought of it. Right? We're sitting about talking about men issues and our hearts and our minds and our and our tragedies and traumas. Right? So it wouldn't work now. Keith, both of us married, been married. We don't have, well, at least for me, at least, I don't know your history, but I don't have multiple kids about multiple women like my dad. See, we are breaking the the generational curses already. We're highly educated. You know what I'm saying? My dad had a high school diploma. My daughter's gonna have a medical. My mom was a high school dropout, but she got a granddaughter who's gonna be a doctor in four more years.

Keith D. Terry:

Yes.

Khalid B. Scott:

We're doing it. We're doing the work. We're doing the work already. Well, you you know, I do you think we're rare? No, we are progressing like we should. We are progressing. And again, that's why I talked about the Cosby show. That was the best example of how we had one mentality and we went to another one. When that show was on TV and then the spin-off show A Different World, guess what happened, Keith? More black people went enrolled in college than at any other time before.

Keith D. Terry:

You're absolutely right.

Khalid B. Scott:

We just need to see an image of us being there.

unknown:

Okay.

Khalid B. Scott:

That's it.

Keith D. Terry:

And are there tools that people can use to help with anxiety or some of those things? I mean, for me, and I'll use my example, when I feel like I have a lot of pressure, stress, I'll give one of my good friends a jingle.

Khalid B. Scott:

Nice, nice.

Keith D. Terry:

You know, and uh or I'll call or talk to my wife. Uh but I don't but but interesting, I don't talk to my wife about everything.

Khalid B. Scott:

Got you. Got you.

Keith D. Terry:

And I don't talk to my friend about everything. And I try, I guess I am trying to get it out of me, is what I'm saying. And so, you know, is there a a recommendation, a suggestion that you can give for people out there other than give you a call? Do you have a waiting list?

Khalid B. Scott:

Absolutely. The wonderful thing, even though we keep saying it's not a wonderful thing, is modern technology, right? Elaborate. There's apps on the phone, AI apps for counseling. So you can go into an app and saying, Siri, I'm having a bad day. What can I do to cheer me up?

Speaker 2:

And the AI would come on. See?

Khalid B. Scott:

And it will give you a response, right? Just holding something that we have in our hand every day. There's movies being made, there's music being played, right? Because we are more educated on mental illness and wellness, now we're being more responsive when our friends call saying, hey, I'm having a bad day. You know what I'm saying? You know, people are making restaurants and library rooms more accessible so that people can get away from the house. You know what I'm saying? So there's things in place right now to help. But at the end of the day, you can have all the devices and utensils. You have to want to do the work.

Keith D. Terry:

So then let's talk about that. Let's talk about habits. Are there, you know, what habits and practices do you think emotionally healthy people do versus unhealthy people?

Khalid B. Scott:

Right. So an emotionally healthy person says, I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna look in that mirror and say, that go the pimple. Then they say this. What do I need to do to get rid of the pimple? Right? Before it was just do this. No, it leaves a mark. Now I'm gonna get this cream and put it on and be patient and wait for the pimple to go away naturally so it won't leave a mark. That's what the mindsets are going towards now. That this is not gonna be a band-aid effect no more. I have to sit down with a Dr. Scott and talk to him from A to Z what I can't talk to my spouse about, what I can't talk to my kids about, what I can't tell my best friend, because at the end of the day, those people have an expectation of me. A therapist, they're unbiased. They look personal me. They know the person sitting in front of them who's trying to be better. That's why I can't be friends with my clients. Because that would make me I got you.

Keith D. Terry:

So then I'm gonna run a couple things past you.

Speaker 2:

Sure.

Keith D. Terry:

And you tell me if it's if you think it's good or bad. Okay. Having anxiety, I should go smoke a joint. Good or bad.

Speaker 2:

Bad.

Keith D. Terry:

I want to go, I'm I have an anxiety, I should go have a martini.

Khalid B. Scott:

Bad.

Keith D. Terry:

Wow. I should I'm having a bad day. I should go and, you know, go to a club. Bad. Wow. And this is kind of what I'm saying, because people have bad days. And right now, you can drink, you can smoke. And it's all legal. And so, you know, I have friends that say, oh man, you know, I'm not a drinker. I don't drink alcohol, but I smoke, I smoke. And I hear stories, because I'm my background's healthcare. I hear good stories, I hear bad stories. From your perspective, because you're in there every day.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Keith D. Terry:

What are your thoughts on alcohol and marijuana?

Khalid B. Scott:

See, I'm a drug and alcohol counselor, been one for 25 years, right? What do you think are the gateway drugs? The gateway drug is one. Marijuana. Marijuana. Marijuana. Marijuana. It's the gateway. And when I say gateway, it's the beginning, the initial, the orientation drug. And what happens is it gives you a temporary kicks, a temporary relief. But what happens is you're gonna still deal with the struggle because you haven't gotten rid of it. You just put it on a shelf temporarily. Right? So then that high is not good enough no more. Let me try cocaine. Let me try heroin. Let me go and drink. But I don't stop at one beer. I stop at two beers. I need four beers. And let me go drive. And then, like when I was 18, my best friend got killed by a drunk driver. Right? So what happens is it adds to the toxicity. It adds to the dysfunction. Five years ago, Illinois said, we're gonna make marijuana legal. And they won because the money that came in was going towards the billions. But guess what? Go and talk to a Chicago police officer. Every time he walks up to a car full of kids, soon as before he can get to the car, guess what he smells?

Keith D. Terry:

Marijuana.

Khalid B. Scott:

Marijuana. Because kids are not going to discriminate. They're going to hear it's legal. It's not legal for anyone under 21. And you're supposed to get it from a dispensary, not from Tariq on the corner. But I'm in business. I'm in business. And I will always have a job, Keith.

Keith D. Terry:

Well, the impact of both of those on burnout, anxiety, depression is good, bad, or how how do how do you? I don't want to get into the clinical component of it, but I'm talking about it from a from a, you know, a lot of people think I need to relax, so I'm gonna go have me a martini. I used to have that thought. Dr. Scott, I used to have that thought. You know, and what I recognize is I'm a different person after one drink.

Khalid B. Scott:

Absolutely. Keith, remember, I used to turn to Doritos with hot sauce on it to unwind. But what did it do to me three years later? It got me to 320 pounds.

Speaker 2:

Gotcha.

Khalid B. Scott:

Gotcha. It didn't solve any problem. It made another problem come to light. Get rid of the Doritos and find other alternatives, right? And now I'm in a better place. When you look for quick fixes, it means it's gonna be long-term problems.

Keith D. Terry:

Okay. So my last couple of questions are Iround recognize that I need to go see somebody. Let's talk about how people should prepare to engage someone like you. Because not everybody is Dr. Scalid Scott. Not everybody is that. Not the one, not everybody probably practices like you. How should people engage the mental health community?

Khalid B. Scott:

Sure, it's many ways. Oftentimes I'm on Facebook and somebody will um somebody said, looking for a male therapist in the Chicagoland area. And then what happens is people are tagging my name, right? I use social media to post a flyer for my private practice. Or, Siri, I need a list of black male clinicians in Chicago. And it's right there. Or you type it in Google and a list comes out. Or because so many of us are engaged in therapy, referrals. I guess what I was saying, are all clinicians created equal? No, we are not. Absolutely not. We all have different agendas, different um itineraries.

Keith D. Terry:

And is there something that I can do when I'm looking for someone? You know, how how should we? I mean, I know how to engage my rheumatologists as an example. Because you know, I have gout, right? I know what I'm looking for. I know the kind of physician. But I when it comes to this area, what I guess what I'm trying to allude to is is there a process people should use to uncover great clinicians like you?

Khalid B. Scott:

Yes. It's called this. Communicate.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Khalid B. Scott:

I go to you. Um, hey, Dr. Terry, I've been divorced 13 years. I've raised my child, so now I'm an empty nester. And I want to get back out here in a dating life. And um, do you have a specialty where you work with men and you work with men on relationships? If you say no, okay, well, can do you know any therapist who that's their specialty? Yes, I know a Dr. Scott who specializes in men's mental wellness, relationship issues, spirituality, dot, dot, dot. You just open your mouth. Or again, you type in thing. We have no excuses no more. This is 19, this is not 1972. This is 2025. Everything is right here.

Keith D. Terry:

Well said. And, you know, and and so I I thank you for that. And my last question is to give you is do you have one message that you want to give folks before we dial off here today?

Khalid B. Scott:

Absolutely. And it's a message I give often when I'm doing podcasts. Learn to have the most beautiful, wonderful love affair with guess who? Yourself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Khalid B. Scott:

Because once you love, once you are in love with you, your bar is raised high. Your agenda is steady and consistent.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Khalid B. Scott:

But you gotta love you first. And then when you love you, what an agape love, it spills over to everybody who knows you.

Keith D. Terry:

Well, listen, thank you so much. And I want to thank you for joining the next big thing. A huge thank you to Dr. Khalid Scott. Do you want to tell them how folks can reach you?

Khalid B. Scott:

Sure. I'm on all social media um platforms, Khalid Scott. I'm on Psychology Today, so WWW Psychology Today, and type in my name. Google me. A lot of clients have done that. You too. Thank you for having me.

Keith D. Terry:

Thanks for listening to the next big thing. I'm your host, Keith D. Terry. If you've enjoyed this episode and you'd like to support this podcast, please share it with others. Post about it on social media or leave a rating and a review. To catch all the latest from me, you can follow me on my YouTube channel at Keith D.Terry. If you want to recommend a guest, please email me at info at terryperformance group.com. This has been produced by your host, Anne Jade Productions.